His advice will live on forever. “You Talkin’ To Me?” – Taxi Driver (1976) This may be one of the only times, a one-liner has made it … Learn from yesterday, live for today and have hope for tomorrow. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. I want one… A janitor asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. See TOP 10 time one liners. Why do the French eat snails? The 30 Funniest Movie One-Liners of All Time "What is this, a center for ants?" What's Blonde and dead in a closet? share. I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day. Groucho Marx (1890-1977): 'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.' share. I got in touch with my inner self today. Laugh at 30 Funniest One Liner Jokes. That's the last time I'll buy one ply toilet paper at the dollar store. Regardless of the genre, they’re usually remembered long after the movie’s release, and the words can impact an entire generation. 0 comments. My lawyer thinks he can get me 5. It was tense. Absolutely hillarious time one-liners! All sorted from the best by our visitors. Latest contributions to the largest collection of 4595 best one line jokes rated by viewers. They don't like fast food. O ne-liners can be hilarious. Have hope for the future, but maybe build a bomb shelter anyway. I was an only child… eventually. One liner tags: doctor, health, life, money, time 79.96 % / 297 votes. He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed. —taeloth. The other 3% is when I do math. The newest hillarious one liners! The largest collection of time one-line jokes in the world. I do my taxes like I cut my nails, don't file that shit. Vote. Uncles” – Unknown. Tommy Cooper: Diets, drinks: When I was a kid we had a quicksand box. 1. Why kill time when you can make it work for you? My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I’ve lost three days already. 6 comments. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. save. I'm great at multitasking. Don't believe us? SHARE. A time traveller walks into a bar. 30 Mark Twain One-Liners That Are Still Relevant Today. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Absolutely hillarious time one-liners! By Sarah Crow. Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. 150 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny. Yes, you too can laugh like a crazed hyena! 4 … I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. One-liners Comedy is tragedy plus time. Spoiler alert! Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past … Bad One Liners. That’s a positive sign. By Sarah Crow. Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores. The punch line is always too long. I don’t have an attitude problem. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. We go back years. 71. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Do you know a funny one liner? I’d take up time travel, but there’s no future in it. With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Shoutout to Bel-Air. June 1, 2018. One of Venom's most recognizable traits is an insistence on devouring the brains of his criminal victims, which is a horrible way to go. A good one-liner can serve so many purposes I don’t even know where to begin. Very good friends with the other members of my time travelling club. I had to put my foot down. (Galactus) Enjoy. ... "By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.” – Demetri Martin. 325. June 1, 2018. So here’s our lineup of 26 clock jokes. From life lessons that bear repeating to meme-ified lines that have become part of our cultural lexicon, these hilarious movie one-liners are sure to crack you up. All of the zingers that will echo into eternity. I hate jokes about prom. "How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?" 2. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. 1. Time travel classes: Starts 1915. 8 "I Hunger!" Rodney Dangerfield had captured the minds of his audience with his ribald, in-your-face humor.Dangerfield expired on October 6, 2004, and his death created a void. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? I declined. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. Things got a little tense. Well, the flag is a big plus. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. If one more person tells me to stop using movie titles as verbs, I'm gonna Scream (1996). Won a prize in the local time travel club raffle. Alan Bennett Firstly, being able to recall and drop a one-liner in an instant is the sign of a healthy functioning brain. 55 of Tim Vine’s most hilarious jokes and one-liners “The advantages of easy origami are two-fold” Tim Vine fronts the pun-filled BBC Comedy pilot, ‘Tim Vine Travels in Time’ (Photo: BBC) You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics.". 3. 50 One-Liners From Comedy Legends Jillian Scheinfeld 5/1/2020. share. Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman. Other movie one-liners are deep, even dark, while others are just straight up weird. Page 2. The 25 All-Time Greatest One-Liners by Politicians. One Line Status: One line status and one-liner quotes will help you to share your thoughts instantly.In this post Short Status Quotes made a collection of best 150+ one Line status, captions and short one-liner quotes on life, attitude, motivation, funny and many more topics. I can't deal with high maintenance people. I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money. Steven Wright: Macabre, people and family A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Demetri Martin: Think twice, health: I’m on a whiskey diet. Vote. I broke a mirror the other day that's 7 years bad luck. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest? Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day. “Avoid a larger bill with your current hosting provider and save $500 a month with us.” Why this is so … Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. It's usually the last thing his victims hear. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. They are simply the best. 23. One of the best one liners about grammar. History Lies Time Brought up in the provinces in the forties and fifties one learned early the valuable lesson that life is generally something that happens elsewhere. I'm right 98% of the time. Remember, a bad one liner can also be a perfect thing to stuck the tension out of the room during the uncomfortable moments of silence. The largest collection of time one-line jokes in the world. See TOP 10 time one liners. The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. Posted by 17 hours ago. The milk has been in the fridge for three weeks. 100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners… 5 comments. Do you know a funny one liner? … What do you do with all the time you save? February 10, 2018. Why kill time when you can make it work for you? People who write "u" instead of "you". You have a … The first 14 are our very own Well Made Clock creations. Enjoy. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners. save. And since clocks is what we’re all about, what better subject could we pick than time and clocks to stir a laugh or two out of you? "Look for the fresh prints." “What is worse than ants in your pants? 325. share If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high. Posted by 1 hour ago [NSWF] it’s better to come clean than to clean cum. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box… Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself!